A bit of humour!

1- A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a £50 note in it. Now there are ten £5.00 notes.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

2 – Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course “perfect.”

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Peugeot) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident.

3 – Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #7:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)

Rule #8:
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores.) It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. (“From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.”)

Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #11:
Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.

Rule #12:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #13:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why.

Follow the link for more! Have a blessed week!

Last week-end

nativity templateI suppose that this post is a bit like an open diary and a very exciting one! Joy! Friday night I was enjoying reading more commentaries on Isaiah 40 and Mark 1, what I did on and off all week. Steven tempted me with a melted Brie served on a small nan bread, and I may have told you before that I love cheese and this was an offer hard to resist.

Saturday, we went to Stone farmer market, the last one before Christmas.  On the way, Steven pointed out at a beautiful heron crossing the road over us. It was too late for me to get a photo and moreover I didn’t have my ‘proper’ camera, only my phone. The stalls were all full of goodies, some of them I found quite dear. There was a stall where French brocante was displayed and I looked at 5 copper pans, however they were light and slightly damaged priced for 55 pounds. Nope. We then went for a drink and my coffee came with cute mince pie. After our drink, we went back to the market and they were about to go home so we managed to get purple and green kale, free-ranged eggs and mushrooms at a bargain price!

Sunday morning, as I was driving to the first church, I asked the Lord to use me to speak to everyone attending each service. After,  I was thanking the Lord that he strengthened me during the two sermons. I know that I couldn’t have done it without him. I also felt so encouraged by the  support of my vicar who has such a great sense of humour (it does help in a big way!) and so grateful to hear everyone’s comments.

Looking back I praise the Lord for an excellent week-end, as he poured grace and mercy on all our family.

May the Lord bless you and your family abundantly this week in Jesus’ name.

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Home sweet home

My internet stopped working because I’ve run out of space on my hard drive ran out! So I started to move some folders manually; and it didn’t make much difference! So I’ve had to move lots of folders and guess what, it’s going to take ages! No problem! It’s Friday evening the only day when Steven and I watch TV! We are watching Scorched, an american film about a bank robbery and so far it is pretty weird but i suppose there is potential. There is that guy who gets spit at by his pet lizard ? John Cleese just appeared! In any case just in case the film is a bore I always do something else so I’m talking to you in the cyberspace and if you think about it this is rather extraordinary.. but so addictive.. I hope you are having a blessed Friday evening!

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