1- A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a £50 note in it. Now there are ten £5.00 notes.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
2 – Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course “perfect.”
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Peugeot) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident.
3 – Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores.) It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. (“From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.”)
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why.
Follow the link for more! Have a blessed week!
On that film..Scorched, I say not bad at all actually, very funny!
Steven says: very slow, the last 15 minutes were all right! George says hello!
at Titchwell! As I was following Steven to a hide an exhausted dragonfly, une libellule as the French say, landed on the fence.Maybe it needed resourcing in energy or solar whatever. I thought it was in a pitiful state ..Later on when we were our way out of the hide two of them landed. Steven said “they were basking in the sun, soaking up the heat”..now moving to Wells by sea! A bientôt!
The bible is the Lord’s word, read on…
The gate, subsequently called the Golden Gate, was closed up by Sultan Suleiman in A.D. 1543. In Kaiser Wilhelm’s plan to capture Jerusalem, he hoped to enter by this gate, but his hope was dashed. The gate remains closed.
Voltaire boasted that the Bible would be a dead book in 100 years. When the hundred years had passed, Voltaire was dead and his house had become headquarters for the Geneva Bible Society. Ingersoll made a similar boast. He said that he would have the Bible in the morgue in 15 years. It was he, not the Bible, who went to the morgue. The Bible outlives all its critics.
You would think that men would wake up to the fact that the Bible is God’s eternal Word and that it will never pass away. But then, as Jonathan Swift said, “There’s none so blind as they that won’t see.”
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The House is located on the plot measuring 92 centimeters in its narrowest point and 152 centimeters in its widest point. “That is why at first it seems that the construction of living space within such premise is impossible. Keret House is to contradict that false image, simultaneously broadening the concept of impossible architecture”, says the architect Jakub Szczesny. The house itself is 72 centimeters in the narrowest and 122 centimeters in the widest point.
Would you be able to live in such a tiny house? I know that personally I couldn’t.
Have a blessed evening.